Splosion Maddness
by RamenKnight
Summary: Abandoned. Dont read. Horrible.
1. Prologue

Deidara was irritated, you could even say angry. 'Why?' you ask. Well he just lost his previous partner, both of his arms, and he **hates **his new partner with a passion. Now normally he would be **pissed **and trying to strangle Tobi, but he is rather fond his arms and head. Kakuzu could have at lest let him sit anywhere else but he **had **to make him sit on the only pointy rock in this neck of the woods. Right now he is just trying to not twitch. Lets see how thats doing.  
_

Poke twitch, poke twitch, poke twitch.

"Twitch again and I'll make sure your head is like these arms are, detached." Growled out an angry Kakuzu.

"Not my fault it hurts like hell, un." grumbled a suffering Deidara

"Diedara-senpia would some leaves help with the pain!" yelled Tobi as he hit Deidara with some leaves that happened to have a stick attached.

"If it wasn't for the fact that i dont have my arms I'd stuff some C3 down your throat! Un." Yelled a now pissed and almost willing to move Deidara.

"I'd help if he had a bounty." Commented a half way done Kakuzu.

"Hey, where is Cussing Scythe Man?" Asked a curious Tobi.

"I cut off his head and threw it in that sack." Kakuzu said as he pointed off to his left.

"Dont worry Cussing Scythe Man, you'll see the light again!" Yelled a panicking Tobi as he ran over to the bag.

"I wish Hidan was conscious. Also your done." Kakuzu said as he watched Tobi re-attach Hidan's head to his body.

"Slow enough, and did he just do that with a stick, un?" Asked Deidara.

"I believe so. Grab your partner and be gone before I decide to undo the work I did." Said Kakuzu as he walked over to Hidan and Tobi.

"Grouchy aren't we? Tobi get over hear before I complete my promise! Un."

"Deidara-senpia whats your promise!" Yelled Tobi has he appeared next to Deidara.

"It involved a C2 bomb, but **now **im going to do it with a C3 bomb!" Yelled Deidara as he started to chase Tobi while making a bomb.

"I'll #$* hold him down while you ^&$*#^ him up with your ^*$^ bomb!" Yelled a now awake and pissed Hidan. The resown he is mad, that's because Kakuzu fixed his neck, but decided to leave that stick Tobi tried to use to put his head back on. He would attack Kakuzu if it wasn't for the fact the he would be chopped up again.

Hidan threw his scythe and stuck Tobi to a tree while Deidara charged.

"Tobi a good boy! Why Tobi get hurt? Tobi doesn't think t-mph !"

"That's right, you don't THINK! Un." yelled Deidara as he stuffed a C3 bomb down Tobi's throat. Deidara quickly made his get away on one of his clay birds while Hidan ran for cover.

* * *

To this day people wonder why Tobi didn't try to get away sooner. All we do know is that a Space time jutsu plus a C3 bomb, and some timing summoned a creature not know to this world. It's name,

**SPLOSION MAN**


	2. Chapter 1

"Art is a bang!"

**KABOOOM**

As the C3 bomb went off in a ball of fiery destruction it obliterated a good thirty acres of forest, disintegrating dirt, grass and trees while making a thirty foot deep bowl in the ground. Trees that where far enough from the explosion to remain whole where flung at break neck speeds, breaking anything they ran into in-half. All that was left in those thirty acres was charred black ground.

Deidara laughed manically as the smoke started to clear, happy to be the person that ended Tobi.  
_

In Rain, on top of a tower, a man eyes snapped open. His ringed eyes flickering it thought as he sat on a balcony in the rain.

_'Madara's life signs just disappeared. Is he just playing with me or is he really dead? His ring is gone also. He is dead. This is good and bad. One less obstacle in the way of world peace, but Deidara wont have a partner. I'll contact Zestu to find out who killed him. '_

The man closed his eyes as he waited for Zetsu to respond. From the man's view he was no longer in the rain. He was standing in a cave on top of a statue's finger. That statue had 9 eye ball's, one of them closed. He waited for Zetsu to arrive. It wasn't a long wait.

"**You called**. Hi Pain-sama!" Greeted each of Zetsu's personality's as they faded into view on a finger.

"Madara's ring stopped functioning. I need you to check his last location and see if he is really dead. Also, see if you can tell who killed him."

**"I would be surprised if he is dead. I believe it is more likely a test to see what you will do if he is gone."**

" I would agree if it wasn't for the fact that his rings signal is also gone."

" **We will head out then.** If he is dead can we eat his body?"

"No, I will need it."

"By Pain-sama!" Yelled out the white half of Zetsu as they faded from view.

* * *

As Zetsu traveled to the explosion sight, you wouldn't have noticed him if you weren't a sensory type, or using a jutsu to detect under ground movement.

"We should eat Madara's body anyways. It will be tasty."

**"No, Pain will be mad."**

"We can say his body was destroyed."

**"It may not look like it if he comes to the site."**

"Pain trusts us. He wont come, and we could say it got blown up!"

**"What if there was no explosion?"**

"We have exploding tags!"

**"No, and shut up. We are there."**

If you where looking at the ground as they came out at, you would have no warning. It looked like a strange mole suddenly started grow out of the charred ground, until color started to come in. Soon it began to look like closed, green, Venus Fly Trap. The Venus Fly Trap snapped open and a head came out. The head looked like someone painted the left side of his face black, and the right side white. Its mismatched eyes glanced around before the being started to talk to its self.

**"Deidara, I'd say a C3 bomb."**

"Big Boooom."

**"I can see why the ring was destroyed. I doubt they're many Fuinjutsu masters that could engrave enough seals into our rings to make them take this much damage, if there is one. We should tell Pain."**

"But I want to see how big that crater is!"

**"No, this is too important"**

If only the being had looked.

* * *

_'Well crap, looks like Leader found out. I hope he doesn't kill me.'_ Thought a now worried Deidara as he dropped off his clay bird, into a small clearing, not very far from the explosion. He sat down on a stump from a fallen tree, and went into a meditative like stat.

"Leader, un?" Greeted Deidara as he came into view. _'I hate these holograms. It makes it hard to see Leaders mood.' _

"Deidara, why did you kill Tobi?"

_'Well crap, still cant tell what mood he is in.'_ "He was irritating, un"

"That is no resown to kill your partner. How big was the fight to kill him?

"Fight? There was no fight. I just stuffed a C3 bomb down his throat while Hidan held him down."

"You also destroyed his ring. Now we have one more position we can't replace. How do you think I should repay you for that?" Said a now obviously angry Pain.

'OOoo crap oo crap oo crap un.' "Uuuuu, I pay you, un?" Deidara asked, now nervous for his life.

"Zetsu will administer your punishment." Said Pain before he ended the jutsu.

As Deidara came back from meditating he saw Zetsu come out of the ground and approach him.

"What are you going to do? Un."

**"Now remember if you resist,** Leader will kill you **instead of us just cutting off your arms,** eating part of them, **and then carving 'we don't kill partners'** into your chest **and then searing the words in** with a fire jutsu. Don't worry you'll get your arms back,** but most of them will be made out of** the stuff Kakuzu uses for his skin. **Now stay still!**

At point blank range Zetsu launched a senbon covered in a poison, that paralyzes the target while leaving the pain sensors active. A few hand seals latter and Deidara was under a genjutsu that amplifies pain, and makes it where the target cant go into unconsciousness. What happened next was very gruesome in many ways. The cannibalism, loosing his arms again, carving of words into Deidara's chest and then practically branding the words in, it was a very painful and unpleasant experience. Also they didn't just cut the arms off, they cut Deidara's hands off then, ate there way up his arm to the shoulder. So Deidara felt every bight. Deidara decided that killing Tobi was worth it, but he wont be killing another partner anytime soon.

* * *

A three man squad of Sand chunin jumped towards the reported massive jump in chakra, close to the edge of Sand country. As they jumped threw the trees they noticed that there seemed to be whole trees on there sides, with burrows in the ground behind them leading up to where they sat. As soon as they saw that they know that a massive fight happened here.

They eventually had to jump off of the trees because there where so few left. A quick hand sign from the leader and all of them slowed down to a stop.

"The fight has been over for a couple of days, but i detect a chakra signature close bye. We go in quick and silent, It could be a trap." The leader of the squad commanded before they started running again. They where as silent as a leaf falling in the wind.

The scenery slowly changed, from a tree here and there, to chunks of wood, then just charred black ground. When they finally got close to the center of the new waste land there was a crater. The crater was surprisingly smooth except for a lump of in the middle that resembled a body, It was black as well.

"The chakra signature is coming from that lump. Spread out, I dont want all of us hit at once if it's a trap."

The chunin did a triangle formation around the crater then carefully went down the sides. They got a couple of feet from the body and then stopped.

"It looks like a body. Should I get the sealing scroll out?" Asked chunin two.

"Who ever this was must have been powerful to be dead for a couple of hours, and still have chakra in detectable amounts. Do it, but be careful." Answered the captain of the squad.

Chunin two approached the body and got out his scroll out, placed it over the body, and just to make sure the person wasn't alive, he checked to see if he had a pulse. There wasn't one.

**"Corpse Sealing Jutsu"**

_Poof_

As the ninja smoke cleared the body remained.

"I hate faulty scrolls!" Exclaimed Chunin two.

"I'm glad it didn't blow up on us." Said Chunin one.

"I take it we didn't bring anymore scrolls?" Asked the Captian.

"No sir, and not it" answered Chunin two.

"Not it"

"Why do I always have to carry things?" Complained chunin one.

"Because your not fast enough. Now get a move on." The caption answered. Chunin one grabbed the body and then they all disappeared in a blear.

* * *

Chunin two sat around the crackling fire, memorized by Its flames. He had the late-night guard duty. They where well in safe country, there was a cliff behind them, and he was a new chunin, so he was relaxed.

_'Why did I have to draw the short straw? We cant climb this wall with chakra because of some stupid seals. That's going to be such a pain in the butt.'_ Where the grumbling thoughts of the chunin. He didn't notice movement behind him.

The 'dead' body was now on the move and searching for something. The white of its eye's where actually yellow. The Iris and pupil where a glowing red. Its body glowing a dark red towards the outside of its body, while the inside was a bright yellow.

As it moved around the camp behind the chunin if found a bag that was full of exploding tags. The smile that split its face had square teeth, and crossed its whole face. It sat next to chunin one, who was in his sleeping bag. As it got a hand full of exploding tags it took a bight and something abnormal happened. They exploded.

Now normally that wouldn't happen except for two things, no one thought that they would be eaten, and that the creature pumped a new type of chakra into them, explosion. When this chakra leaves its body it ether A, blows up, or B, makes fuinjutsu that involves explosions degrade until it explodes, and then the explosion is amplified two to five times. Also this chakra has a passive ability too, it makes explosions pass through, what we shall call, Splosion Man.

Now lets amplify six explosion tags by two, witch, one by its self has a five foot explosion radius, so this explosion should be about thirty feet wide. The camp is about twenty feet wide.

KABOOOM

All that was left in the camp was a happy Splosion Man running away from the site making airplane sounds, and blowing tree's up on is way to his next adventure.

All the jonin team found when they reached the site a week later was a black mark, and tree shrapnel leading away from the sight. They then went onto the C3 explosion site and came to the conclusion that both explosion site's where caused by the same person. Only if that was right, Deidara would cause so much less damage.

* * *

(A/N Yes, finally got to the part I wish to write. Dont worry I will try to follow Deidara. I wont just leave him in the dust.

For those of you who dont know where 'Splosion man came from, he is not my own work. I got him form a game called Splosion Man. Yes the same name. Its basically a skill/puzzle game on crack on x-box live arcade. I recommend getting the demo at lest=). R & R please, RamenNight)


	3. next chapter

"**Remember this, for next time Pain wont be so mercifal**." Said Zetsu. He then begain to sink into the ground. Before his head went under the white half said, "The poisin will keep you there in-till Kakuzu gives you the antidote."

Deidara groned in pain for a response. The genjutsu that was on him slipped away as Zetsu left. Even thou there was less pain in his body now, it was still to much for his body to remain conscious. While Deidara was unconscious Kakuzu slipped in, fixed his body and administered the antidote. He left Deidara where he lay. Not caring if he was killed.

Deidara groaned as he woke up, wishing he would stay unconscious. He did an experimental move of the head to see if the poison had passed. The frown from the pain lightened for a second seeing he could move now.

He tyred to lift one of his arms to see how they looked, and decided that was a bad idea as his shoulder flared in pain.

_$%#& that hurts. Why does it $%#& hurt so much more then last time? Probably Zetsu's bad teeth._

He reached into he coat for some heavy duty painkillers, not caring if they messed with his head. He gritted his teeth because of the pain from moving his arms as he popped a few pills.

To pass the time as he waited for the pills to kick in he imagined what Hell Tobi must be in. He chuckled, as he thought of hundreds of people telling Tobi he's a bad boy, and smacking him with sticks.

He soon heard explosions in the distance, and they where coming at him. Frustrated he sat up, looking for someplace to hide. He was in no condition to fight. He flipped through some hand seals and then gritted through his teeth, "**Iwa Gisou No Jutsu.**"

Earth rose out of the ground and made a small dome over him, keeping him concealed from the outside world. When he heard the explosions get close he sent chakra into the earth, hardening it and making it see-through to his eyes.

Soon one of the probable combatants got flung into the clearing after another explosion. And Deidara decided maybe he shouldn't of taken so many pills. The… guy? _Thing?_ landed perfectly. Worried that it might detect his chakra, Deidara hid his chakra as best as he could.

_Why o why did it start doing jumping jacks, did it not take its fight seriously? Perhaps the other guy was killed in the explosion? Thats if I'm not hallucinating._ Deidara watched as kept from laughing. Laughing would make his chakra spick a tiny amount.

It soon moved over to a tree, brought its arms up in such a way you would think it was a little girl trying to look cute, and then blew up. It was flung into the air along with shrapnel from the tree that was not gone. Spinning is such a way it looked like it was doing cartwheels, and then it disappeared into the forest. Every once it a while you would here a boom. Each one getting farther and farther away.

"I really shouldn't of taken so many pills." Deidara said as he let his jutsu fall. He then climbed up a tree and decided to sleep off the pills. As he fell asleep his last thought where, _At lest the hallucination new proper art._

-  
(A/N) Well to the few that have liked this fanfic i am sorry to say that i am done for a long time, if not ever. I just ran out of inspiration. I think this really should have been a shorter fic than what i was running for. I may revise ti sometime later if inspiration hits. Thankyou to the people that have reviewed. Mabye another time

RamenKnight


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